I don’t feel for youOn December 7, 2019 by Barbara
Someone on my Facebook feed posted that “it sucks to be a side chick on holidays” and it sparked this huge rant in my head.
There are so many things that I don’t like about this post. The passive aggressiveness, the publicity of it (what the hell happened to privacy?), and most importantly the fact that you are making this decision every day.
I don’t feel for you.
You are wasting your time, energy, emotions on someone who loves someone else more than they love you. So, every day that you remain with that person, you are making that choice all over again. You are choosing to remain the side chick. You are choosing to keep yourself in a position that prevents you from finding someone better. You are choosing to have sucky holidays. You are choosing to keep things exactly how they are.
So no, I don’t feel for you.
But I also don’t feel for the person who stays in the job they hate, but is too afraid to leave.
I don’t feel for the person who is surrounded by toxic friends, but stays because they need their approval.
I don’t feel for the person who complains that they need to lose weight, but keeps reaching for that donut.
And, mostly, I don’t feel for me.
I admit I have it pretty easy.
I have a loving and supporting husband, an incredible boss at a job that I thoroughly enjoy, and get to make music. I get to watch the snow fall from the comfort of my home where I have heat, water, food and internet. I am healthy.
And yet, getting my butt off the couch is sometimes the hardest thing in the world. Whether it’s the weather, the schedule, of just plain laziness, there’s always an excuse to maintain the status quo.
I saw a TED talk the other day in which the speaker said “we are our own kidnappers”. It resonates with this (and me) so much. Our decisions are what who brought us to where we are. It doesn’t matter whether we stay because of fear, guilt, or whatever other excuse you can come up with. We are the only ones with the power to make a change.
And it’s true, it’s damn hard to move sometimes.
But you know what? No one is going to do it for you. You’re nobody else’s priority, so you better be your own. Do whatever you can to help yourself. Set yourself up to win. Change all the variables so that when the time comes to make a move, you’re ready for it. Make sure that all conditions are optimal so that you don’t have an excuse to quit. And then count down from 5, and by the time you hit 0, you lift the fuck off.
I know. Talk is cheap. And I know you’re not feeling for me. It’s fair. You shouldn’t.
Just remember: make sure you don’t feel for you either.