Is your grass greener than mine?

I love my job. I really do. I have incredible coworkers and an amazing boss who actually cares about his employees and their happiness.

But there are some things I don’t love about it. For example:

It forces me to live a mostly sedentary live

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not tied to a chair and yes, there are other hours in the day where I can move around, but having to dedicate 8 hours of my day to being in front of a computer kind of limits my options a bit. I’m not about to go out for a walk when there is no more daylight, and working out a 6am is not for me.

It prevents me from traveling as much as I’d like

As a web developer, I am perfectly capable of working from any location, especially since I work on an online platform. And I do work partially from home, which is amazeballs. But I’d love to go away in the winter. Go visit a friend in San Francisco when I feel like it. Hide in a cabin for a couple of weeks with the hubby. Or spend a full month in Brazil a couple of times a year. However, there is something to be said about having in-person meetings and working in the same room on a regular basis, so that’s what we do. I can travel and work remotely, but only kinda.

I can’t make my own schedule

As I said before, I have an amazing boss, who is very flexible with my incessant schedule change requests. However, I do have to be available talk to customers, which means that even though I can change my hours somewhat, it’s within a slightly limited range. I can’t put in 4 hours in the morning and 4 hours at night, for example. I’m still fairly stuck to the 9-5 model.

It takes 8 hours of my day away from me

Well that one is a given. A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to not work (and not need to work) for about 18 months, and honestly I became spoiled. It was so good being able to dedicate all of my time to myself – both mentally and physically. I learned so much about topics that interested me and was able to live a very healthy and active life, but I also could to hang out with friends, spend extra time with my husband, work on personal projects. Having to give up 8 hours of my day after experiencing that was a bit of a bummer.

However…

I am learning so much all the time, making myself more valuable to the world and to myself, and I find that incredibly exciting. This is a big one for me. I didn’t finish college and it’s always been hard for me to admit that to people. On a rational level I understand that that’s not where my worth is, and that having a degree is not a reflection of how smart or valuable you are, but boy does the society make you to feel like sh*t if you don’t have one.

I love what I do. I love learning more about it, I love having coworkers who are really nice people. I even love that it forces me to get out of the house (give me food, heat and internet and I’ll forget that there’s life out there).

I am very aware of how lucky I am, and I know that not many people can say the same. But when people post about their life on the road it makes me crave that life. I want to follow summer, visit friends and family all over the world, see new places, meet new people.

I want freedom.

It’s amazing how social media can make me feel “bad” about something that I love so much. How we are so easily affected by what we see, even though we know that most of it isn’t even true – those are only highlights of someone’s life. And when people post about their bad days? We reply with a sad emoji, scroll right past that sh*t and go back to paying attention to the stuff that makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Yeah, the grass is definitely greener on the other side. Except that it’s not. Before deciding to jump the fence, pay attention to your own grass. Look at it closely and see if you can give it a bit more life. Make sure to notice the little flowers and pull out the any weeds you see.

Then, take a step back and look again – and remember who you are. Sometimes the grass is only greener on the other side because it’s fake. Or because it requires an insane amount of care. Or because it’s really expensive to keep. Are you willing to put in that much effort? What will you have to sacrifice?

I find that this post ended up veering from the direction I intended, but that’s a good thing. It made me realize that my grass is pretty green. Yes, there are a couple of weeds that I might be able to pull, but it made me value it more. It made me realize that maybe I can make it even better.

So I’ll keep watering my grass. I’ll keep pulling the weeds and nurturing the flowers. And hopefully you will too, so that everybody’s grass is as green as everybody else’s.